Archive for anal play

Butt Pluggin’ Fun

Posted in Anal with tags , , , , , , , on February 1, 2010 by sexwars

I actually have no objection to butt plugs, per se.  In fact, I have shopped for butt plugs myself, although I think shopping for them and purchasing them are two entirely different kettles of fish.  I even found a favorite, to wit:

http://www.extremerestraints.com/butt-plugs_1/extreme-anal-jewelry_257.html

Emerald, if I ever go there.  In case you were wondering.

But I digress.

My point is, I’m not opposed to butt plugs.  I think they’re kinda cool and if you’re going to be having anal sex regularly, I think they’re a useful tool in not being in agonizing pain during the sex.

I’m not so sure I’m down with how this particular caller uses them.  Again, more power to him and all…just not my thing.

“I love my butt plug.  I love the way my girlfriend forces it into me and makes me wear it out shopping.”

Exhibitionism, sort of.  I’m down with it.  I’m actively planning a wilderness fuck for the boyfriend once the weather warms up.

“I love the way she makes me wear her panties over it, french cut, always the french cut.”

Ok.  I’m still down with it.

“I love the way she pulls it out of my ass when we get home and makes me lick it clean for her.”

*shudder*  I prefer NOT to have an anal-oral relationship with my own poop.  That’s just me.

“Sometimes, she’ll do the whole thing on webcam and let her girlfriends in Chicago watch me lick it clean and beg for more.”

Actually, more power to her.  I hear the webcam girls make in the neighborhood of 400/day, easily, which is good money for a few hours’ work.  If it were me, I’d skip my girlfriends and start charging for that service. I suggest to him the possibility of going global.

“You mean….strangers watching me lick my butt plug clean?”

Yes, that’s exactly what I mean.  Why is this an issue?  I mean, I’d rather have strangers watch me than people I have to socialize with.  If I had to choose.  Which, thankfully, I don’t.  Because that’s not my life.

“I couldn’t let strangers watch me.  It’s easier with family and friends.  It’s cozier that way.”

I couldn’t disagree more, of course, but then again, his butt, his call.

🙂

Adventures in Masturbation, Part 4

Posted in Masturbation with tags , , , , , , on January 27, 2010 by sexwars

Here’s the thing: men aren’t attractive naked.

I KNOW, Brad Pitt, etc., etc., and hey, I’m pretty fond of the boyfriend naked, too.  But empirically speaking, a naked man is not as attractive as a naked woman.  How many pictures of naked men vs. naked women do you see online?  Exactly.

So…although I know there are exceptions and people like all kinds of things, by and large, women don’t so much care to watch men, especially by themselves.

Which makes my little friend who makes videos of himself masturbating as gifts for women a little…what’s the word?  Unusual?  Odd?  Deluded?  Lucky to have found a subset of the female population that genuinely wants to watch him beat his meat?

He tells me how his girlfriends have asked him for specific things.

“This one, we’re listening to now,”–oh yes, we listen to the audio of his videos during his calls.  Wheels within wheels and all that sort of thing–“this woman wanted to see my asshole while I masturbated.”

“This other one,  that we’ll listen to next, she wanted to watch me fuck my ass with a vibrator while masturbating.”

I’m pondering the physical logistics of that.  I am.  And I say, “Isn’t that difficult?”

And he responds, “I have a studio, what you want to do is get an adjustable microphone stand and attach the vibrator to that, and then you can ease yourself down onto it, and adjust the height to where you need it to be, and then fuck yourself and have your hands free for your cock.”

OBVIOUSLY.

Blood and Glory

Posted in Anal with tags , , , on January 13, 2010 by sexwars

So, here’s the thing.  I’m not really ABOUT blood.  I prefer not to experience it.  I don’t have an issue with it–I’ve been both a blood and plasma donator in my time–but it’s not something I seek.

I’m the one that when her OB/GYN said, hey, this has a few risks but you’ll stop having periods, said, YES.  Sure, fine, I’ll sign whatever waiver you like.  Sign me up immediately.

I say this because this is a serious WTF I’m about to lay down.  And if you’re very squeamish about blood, look away.

I am aware there are men that are not opposed to blood.  These men will gladly have barebacked sex during heavy flow days.  Some of these men will engage in cunnilingus during those days, although that’s less common.  These men are sissies compared to this guy.

“I pay a high school girl to masturbate for me,” he says, “and today she said she was on her period and couldn’t, so instead I paid her to give me the used tampon out of her pussy.  I put a little cream on it and inserted it in my ass.  It’s still there now.”

WTF?!  No, that’s not strong enough.  WTF?!?!  Closer.

“Mmmmm….that’s so hot,” I murmur.  Thinking, that’s SO fucked up.

“When’s your period coming?” he asked.  This is not that subtle.  Not like my friend that enjoys bestiality who worked in a question regarding pet ownership way in advance of asking to fuck my dog.  *shudder*

“Next week, maybe the week after,” I say, not wanting to enter into a discussion about my birth control and why I don’t get periods and that nonsense.

“Will you send me your used tampons?”

“I can’t have contact with you outside of the phone line,” I say.  Which is true.

“I wouldn’t tell,” he pleads.

“Hmmmmm,” I say.

“That sounds like a no,” he says, all petulant.

“They MONITOR these calls, you know,” I tell him, which is true.  I’m not sure how frequently or how, but technically, I know that every word I say could be heard again by my bosses.  “There’s no way to arrange a thing like that.”

“I bet you could if you wanted to,” he says, still petulant.  This is true, of course.  I could probably find his information and track him down online.  I do not wish to do so.

“What ELSE do you like?” I ask, in desperation…but that’s a story for a different day.

🙂