Archive for the Swingers Category

Working Hard

Posted in Swingers with tags , , , , on January 29, 2010 by sexwars

This is the most amazing thing.

I get this call from this guy who told me that his boss stocks the break room with porno magazines and lets them call these sex lines on their breaks, with company money, “That’s where we get your numbers, right?  From the magazines?”

Yes.  Ok.  Weird but strangely awesome work environment.

“But today, after we called, while I was waiting for you to come on the line, he tells me that he wants to fuck my wife.”

Um…ok.  I’m not sure if he’s outraged or what.  I say, “Umm….what do you think about that?”  and he says, “I don’t know, I don’t think she’ll go for it.  And does he mean once or twice, or like, all the time?”

I’m thinking, that’s not really the point, but that’s just me.

“Because, you know, I think for all the phone sex he pays for and job security and all of that, it’s worth a couple of fucks, but not more than that.”

I’m pondering, for a minute, his wife.  That is NOT a great marriage, where he’s willing to sell her to his boss in payment for phone sex.

I say, “If he wants more, maybe you should think about looking for another job, you know?”

And he says, I swear to GOD, “I’d rather look for another woman, you know?  I get paid really well here.”

Sign of the times, people.  The economy is so bad that people will give their wives to the boss and find a new girl to keep their job.  Yikes.

Most amazing to me was the epitaph.  He calls me back a few minutes later.  I say, “Hey, we JUST talked.  What’s going on?”

“I figured if he’s going to be fucking my wife, I can call you again.  It’s, like, balance.”

Swingin’ low

Posted in Swingers with tags , on January 14, 2010 by sexwars

I love swingers.  I really, really do.  They are so much fun, so harmless.  No pedophilia, no incest, no animals.  Just consenting adults having hot sex.  May all the swingers specifically request to talk to me.

Among many fantastic callers that were swingers, I had one I especially enjoyed.  He’d call periodically, update me on he and his wife’s adventures, the things they were doing.  We had a friendly little relationship.  He’d share his–theoretically true–encounters, and I’d share my wildly inventive ones.  It was a good gig.

Then one day he called me, urgently whispering into the phone, “I just got home, and my wife is fucking someone else.”

Yawn.  Yeppers, that’s how that works.

“And?” I say as the pause lengthens. “Hasn’t she done that before?”

“Not like this,” he hissed into the phone.  “This is breaking the rules.  I’m not here for it, his wife’s not here for it, no one knows what they’re doing.  She’s CHEATING ON ME GODDAMMIT.”

I ponder this for a moment, because seriously, this woman has fucked half the state from all accounts.  Fidelity is NOT one of the major by-words of this relationship.  But at the same time, I can see his point.  Infidelity in a highly structured way is not the same as infidelity committed randomly.  I can see that.  I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do about it, since mostly my job is moaning and whatnot.

“I’m so sorry, sweetheart,” I say, figuring, well, hell.  I’m his friend, of sorts.  Probably one of the few people he talks to about this that doesn’t know both parties.  I’m probably the closest thing to a therapist he has at this point, god help him.  “Do you think if you go in and join them, it’ll be ok?  Or will that make it worse?”

There was a long silence as he watched them fuck.  “Worse, I think.  I don’t know what I’m going to do.  I don’t want a divorce, but she’s CHEATING on me.  I don’t even know how long she’s been doing this, or who else she’s been fucking.”  He sighs heavily.  “I didn’t know who else to call,” he says at last.

“It’s ok, baby,” I say, as gently as I can, “It will be ok, I promise.  I’ve been cheated on, and I know how much you’re hurting.  But it will get easier and it will get better.”

“I guess.  Thank you for listening to me,” he mutters, clearly dispirited.  And then he hung up.  And I haven’t heard from him since.  I feel like I failed him in some way.  But it is what it is, I did the best I could in the moment.  I think of him from time to time.  He was a basically good guy, as all swingers seem to be.  I hope he’s doing all right.