Phone lickin’ good

This is actually my friends’ favorite of my callers.

It started as a normal, reasonable call.  At some point I say, what would do to me if you were in bed with me right now?  Which I say fairly often, and usually it doesn’t change the course of the call.  But this time…it did.

“I’d be licking your pussy,” he said.

So far, so good.  That’s something I hear every day.  (I just re-read that.  Wow, my life is so wacky.)

“Mmmmm….” I respond.  “I love that.”  (Actually, no, I hate that, but my alter ego LOVES it.)

And then…the unmistakable sound of a man licking his phone.

I took a second to ponder it and then said, “Mmmm….that’s so sexy….how do you make that incredible sound?”

I knew, of course, but I had to hear him say it.

“I just lick the phone,” he said, as if it were completely normal and natural.

So I listen to him lick the phone over and over, stifling the urge to laugh.

This was the moment I first decided to use “That’s hot” as a substitute for “that’s so fucked up.”

I tried to budge him away from the continued unsanitary relationship with his phone.

“Mmmm….would you fuck me now, please?”  I begged in my best little whore lost manner.

“Oh, yeah, baby,” he moaned, “I’ll stick it in you and give it to you good.”

I’m actually breathing a small sigh of relief at this point.

Then, of course, the kicker.

“And while I fuck you, I’m gonna lick those pretty titties of yours.”

Oy.

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